So...feeling like that commercial about depression...Cymbalta, I think it is. That is how I feel on the inside. Why do I not just curl into the fetal position and veg out? Because too many people rely on me...who do I rely on? Myself. Can I let them stop relying on me? No...I am too responsible for that.
Next thought, would my anxiety level go down if I just dropped my expectations of people? Let my kids sleep half the day away and never help out. Maybe...but it wouldn't help them grow into mature, responsible adults. Do I keep battling with them to do the slightest things...not sure. At least right now...not when I'm crumbling emotionally...the physical issues are bad enough...I can't become depressed.
Really need a break today, but have things needing to do/places to go/ Webelos to lead...today will not be a day for any real breaks.
Need a job...don't want a crappy job...think hubby should get a 2nd job...it is his toys, after all, that are what he refuses to give up.
Maybe I can get a break tomorrow...and a massage...gotta figure that one out. Have an idea for that one.
Just wanna quit life for a week or so...no reponsibilities...no one relying on me...no schedules or appointments...best of all would be no pain...I could deal with everything else if I could just have that...or at least have people realize that it is real and that I do put on an amazing front. Very few people can really, truly understand what I am going through. 24/7...it never goes away...yes, life goes on and I deal with it best I can, but it isn't easy. I keep praying for at least some major improvement...hopefully one day...
2 comments:
This post hits home HARD!!!
You can call and I will help where I can. It does help to have a break and there is no need to feel guilty for it. When I have a bad day there are times when my kids just have to deal and Kimi cooks for me.
I'm up for lunch if that kind of break will help you.
Don't give up on your kids. Just don't. You know why. You posted it. It will be worth the fight. I see that now with Steven. Still fighting with AJ and even the others, but I do see progress.
Love you Pam. Seriously let me know if I can help. I can drive and my hours at work are minimal right now. They will pick up with school, but not over 20 hrs a week.
I am so sorry to sense how down you are in life. You have always seemed to quietly and gently deal with the ups and downs of life. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Life can overwhelm and create feelings of hopelessness. Our struggles can make us feel that there aren't enough reasons to keep on keepin on. I am hoping that your health will improve. You do need to take time for yourself. It is very hard being a mom to do that. Got a good lock on the bathroom door?
Know that you are thought of in good ways and May God bless you to get feeling better. You are loved.
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